Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Tagline of the Week - Courtesy of The Cave

In Hollywood, up there with the poster and the trailer, taglines have become an integral part of the movie marketing machine. There have certainly been some great ones in our time. Alien's "In space, no one can hear you scream..." Poltergist's "They're here..." nearly trumped by its sequals' Poltergeist II's "They're back..."
- and my recent favorite "Before you die you see the ring."

So it is with glee that I put forth to you Screen Gem's tagline for their new film THE CAVE.

Trailer can be seen here

Their tagline reads:

BEANEATH HEAVEN LIES HELL....
BENEATH HELL LIES...
THE CAVE

What the ...? Picture this: the philosophical universe is a stacked sort of structure, an office building if you will. Heaven has the top half, hell has the bottom half, and the basement belongs to the cave.....?
Wait, so does this mean that if heaven is directly above hell, that little devils can poke holes with their pitchforks into the floor of heaven ? Doesn't sound like something God would stand for does it?
And also what about purgatory? Perhaps the tagline should read something more like this:

BENEATH HEAVEN LIES PURGATORY....
THEN BELOW PURGATORY IS EARTH, OR SOMETHING...
BENEATH EARTH OR SOMETHING LIES HELL...
BENEATH HELL LIES...
THE CAVE

Hmmmm, maybe more wordy than the studio execs had in mind. Also they're being pretty bold here with their assertion that THE CAVE is apparently worse than hell. That better be one F-ing scary monster.
Perhaps a new saying will emerge in our lexicon:

"What the....cave?"

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