A Rude Awakening

As I read the following article from Entertainment Weekly, and choked on my morning coffee, I could not help but think, is it here? Has Lucifer finally ascended from Hades to claim a throne on earth?

This preview article on the highly anticipated summer sci-fi The Island (directed by Michael Bay), included details of the phone conversations that took place between Michael Bay, and my beloved Steven Spielberg, as they hammered out the details of purchasing and setting up the popular spec script.

I will now arrange the quotes of their conversation in order, removing the E-Weekly filler, in attempt to recreate what an actual phone call between the two men might have been like.

Spielberg: There's a script that's going to town tomorrow. I want to buy it for you. You gotta read it tonight.

A pregnant pause between them. Bay nods silently on the other end.

Spielberg: I just hope this doesn't upset Jerry, but I'd like to be the new Jerry.

(!!!!!!)

So there you have it. There’s the conversation. As I try to subdue the waves of nausea as they wash over me, I think to myself, maybe today is Opposite Day. Sure the last time I remember it being Opposite Day was in third or fourth grade, but this might explain why everyone saying the opposite of whatever they would normally say.

Take a look at this stab at intellectualism on Bay’s part, who confesses in the article that:

“I want people to think, 'If you could, would you have a clone? We all want to extend our lives. How far would you go?''

What in the Sam Hill is going on here?! Spielberg donning idol worship on Bruckheimer? Bay aspiring to make a thinking man’s movie? What next, locusts? Boils and sores?

As I lay in the concrete floor of my office space, in a caffeine and sugar prompted daze, the words reverberate in my mind like a poignant echo.

“I’d like to be the new Jerry.”

“I’d like to be the new Jerry.”

“I’d like to be the new Jerry.”

Good grief, who knows what we’re in for next….