A small peek inside the phone conversations of the New Yorker

Yesterday I was on the phone with my brother Berto. He’s a fine young lad of about 21, who also has a similar geek quotient to mine, though what he lacks in X-Files trivia knowledge he makes up in X-Box skills.

We as two siblings do, were chatting about this and that, and stumbled onto perhaps one of the nerdier conversations I’ve had in some time. It was so nerdy that I felt I needed to share it with you on my dear blog.

BERTO: Hey, so have you seen AVP? You know Alien vs. Predator-

ME: I know what AVP stands for you fool. Of course I saw it. Opening night at the Chinese.

BERTO: Honestly? One of the worst movies ever made.

ME: Aw, it wasn’t that bad.

BERTO: Are you kidding me? It was terrible!

ME: Yeah but wasn’t it awesome in its terribleness? Like, didn’t you laugh at how bad it was.

BERTO: Yeah, I mean I laughed but….it was just so ridiculous. The predators wouldn’t team up with the humans. They would never do that!

ME: Oh well, I dunno about that…

BERTO: And at the end when they made it all sentimental that the lead predator died, that was so dumb.

ME: Yeah but wasn’t it funny when it looked like he was about to kiss the girl? The whole theatre was CRACKING UP at that part.

BERTO: Jeez, yeah that was so crazy.

ME: Are you glad the predators beat the aliens?

BERTO: Hell yeah! I hate the aliens!

ME: What?! You do?! The Aliens are awesome!

BERTO: Ew, no they’re not. They’re just mindless killing machines. Why would you want them to beat the Predators, then they would just kill off man and decimate every other form of life in the galaxy.

ME: Oh please, and the Predators are any better? They hunt for pure sport! Aliens hunt for survival, they eat their prey at least. Predators just do it for fun. Its morally wrong.

BERTO: Not always! And the Predators have a much more sophisticated culture. They don’t just kill everything that comes in their path. The Aliens are like the borg-

ME: The aliens are NOT like the Borg! That is just ridicul-

BERTO: Well they just crush everything in their path, they are evil. Like the borg.

ME: Yeah but don’t you remember in Predator 2 when they just started killing civilians left and right, and you saw that they had species from all over the galaxy they had murdered?

BERTO: Yeah but they felt threatened in Predator 2. Remember the cop had that gun and they thought he was going to shoot them. They were just defending themselves. I’m telling you, if I had to live under the rule of one of those races, I’m much rather live under the Predators. We’d have a chance. I mean did you see those nasty sacrificial tables for the face-huggers to just attack people’s faces?! That **** was nasty!

ME: Yeah whatever. As fascinating as it is to discuss the anthropological variances of the cultures between the Aliens or the Predators, I think I have to go now.

BERTO: Fine be that way. You’re just pissed cause you know I’m right.

The conversation wrapped up around there. I still say the Aliens should have won. The Aliens are badass, much more so than the Predators will ever be. Cool Geiger design and all that. I’ll tell you one thing, I’d rather stare an Alien in the face instead of a Predator. Predator is one ugly mother-

Ok, I’m off to see Batman Begins….